It
is grim and frightening, but death is also inevitable. All we can hope
for is that we are at peace with ourselves and with the way we have
spent our time. In this wonderful piece written by Bronnie Ware via The
Unbounded Spirit, we discover the true regrets that those about to end
their journey have.
Nurse Reveals Top 5 Regrets People Make On Their Deathbeds
For many years I worked in palliative care.
My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special
times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks
of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with
their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity
for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of
emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and
eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before
they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or
anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and
again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When
people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on
it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people
had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing
that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at
least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose
your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise,
until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I
nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s
companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an
older generation, many of the female patients had not been
breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much
of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making
conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income
that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you
become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to
your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in
order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a
mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of
becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and
resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others.
However, although people may initially react when you change the way you
are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a
whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy
relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full
benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always
possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own
lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There
were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort
that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle
to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching
death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get
their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or
status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things
in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they
are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to
love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final
weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did
not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed
stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity
overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear
of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they
were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have
silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others
think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to
let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
About The Author:
Bronnie Ware is the author of the best-selling memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing,
released worldwide, with translations in 27 languages. She also runs an
online personal growth and song writing course, has released two albums
of original songs, and writes a well-loved blog. Bronnie’s newest
book, Your Year for Change, was released in October, 2014.
She is now an author, personal growth facilitator, and speaker. Bronnie lives in NSW, Australia.
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